Minnesota Center Against Violence and Abuse http://www.mincava.umn.edu/ Step Up:A Curriculum for Teens Who Are Violent at Home ------------------------------------------------------ Lily Anderson and Greg Routt Publication Date: 2004 Table of Contents ----------------- * Curriculum Outline and Introduction * Author's Note * Step-Up Group Program Introduction * Introduction * Step-Up History * Structure of the Curriculum * Assessment and Screening * Facilitator Notes for Teen Curriculum * Facilitator Notes for Parent Curriculum * Important Information for Group Facilitators * Evaluation of the Program * About the Authors * Acknowledgements * Addendum ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Curriculum Outline and Introduction ----------------------------------- Editor's Note: This is an introduction of Step Up program which consists of 3 different sections. It includes; * Parent Curriculum Facilitator's Manual (http://www.mincava.umn.edu/documents/stepup/facilitator/parentbookfacilita tor.html) * Parent Workbook (http://www.mincava.umn.edu/documents/stepup/facilitator/parentworkbook.htm l) * Teen Curriculum Facilitator's Manual (http://www.mincava.umn.edu/documents/stepup/teen/teenfacilitator.html) * Teen Workbook (http://www.mincava.umn.edu/documents/stepup/teen/workbook.ht ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Author's Note ------------- Curriculum for Group Facilitators and Group Exercises for Teens and Parents The Step-Up: A Curriculum for Teens Who Are Violent at Home was developed and written by Greg Routt and Lily Anderson with the Step-Up Program, a group counseling program for teens who are violent with parents or family members. Step-Up is a program of King County Judicial Administration and is funded by The Juvenile Accountability Block Grant. Edited by Sakson and Taylor Consulting Copyright 2004 By Greg Routt and Lily Anderson Seattle, Washington All rights reserved. No part of this curriculum may be reproduced without the permission of the authors. To request permission to duplicate any part of this curriculum contact: Greg Routt - gbroutt@yahoo.com or Lily Anderson - lilyanderson521@yahoo.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Step-Up Group Program Introduction ---------------------------------- Introduction ------------ The Step-Up curriculum is designed for counselors who facilitate groups with teens who have been violent towards a parent or family member. The curriculum uses a cognitive behavioral approach to help teens stop the use of violent and abusive behaviors and teaches nonviolent, respectful ways of communicating and resolving conflict with family members. The curriculum also includes materials for a parent group where parents learn how to respond to violence in the home, get support from other parents and gain new skills for parenting teenagers. The curriculum is designed to include parents at the beginning of each group session and then separate into a parent group and teen group or stay together for the session to work on learning a skill together. The curriculum assumes the teens have been arrested with a domestic violence charge and are court mandated to attend a counseling program. The focus of the curriculum is twofold: to address the issues of teens as initiators of violence in their home and to address the needs of parents who have been the targets of violence and abuse. In most cases, the teens and parents continue to live together and continue to have regular contact with each other. The curriculum addresses the needs of both teens and parents by having them participate together during some of the group session time and by having them separate into teen and parent groups during other times. The curriculum has 21 sessions to be completed in approximately 24 group sessions (some sessions take more than 1 session to complete). Group facilitators can, of course, change the number of sessions to suit time limitations and select session material they find useful. Treating adolescent violence against parents is both intervention and prevention. Domestic violence treatment for teens, such as the Step-Up program, can stop the use of violent behaviors in the home where family members have a right to feel safe and protected from harm. Providing intervention to teens who use violence in the home also prevents domestic violence in their future relationships with intimate partners. Step-Up History --------------- In 1996, 63% of the 502 juvenile domestic violence charges filed by the King County Prosecuting Attorney's Office were against juveniles who assaulted their mother or father. In 1997, the King County Department of Judicial Administration applied for and received funding from the Governor's Juvenile Justice Advisory Committee (GJJAC) to develop and implement a pilot project for teens who are assaulting their family members. Until the funding of this project, there was no specialized intervention in King County for treating teens who assault family members. Presently, the program, Step-Up, is funded by the Juvenile Accountability Incentive Block Grant. The success of the Step-Up Program has depended largely on coordination with the juvenile justice system. During the initial phase of program development, Step-Up staff worked with juvenile probation counselors, judges, prosecutors and other court system personnel to coordinate a plan for referral and follow-up of juvenile domestic violence offenders. The coordinated community response model used for adult domestic violence has been adapted for juvenile domestic violence. Because of differences in the nature of juvenile domestic violence and the juvenile court system, that model has not been duplicated, but has provided an outline of key elements in coordinating systems that respond to juvenile DV. Some examples include the development of protocols for probation follow-up of DV offenders, communication between treatment providers and probation and consistency in response to DV offenses. Coordination with law enforcement has been another important component. Step-Up developed a police training video on juvenile domestic violence to educate responding officers about mandatory arrest laws, how to communicate with victims and safety issues for the family. The response of the criminal justice system to teen's who are violent in the home has significant impact on the outcome for the teen and their family. Coordination between the Step-Up Program and the juvenile justice system has been crucial to it's effectiveness in helping teen's change their behavior. Step-Up staff came to the program with clinical experience in adult domestic violence perpetrator treatment and parent education. When group sessions began in 1997, the program used the adult perpetrator counseling programs as a model for developing a teen program. The program has evolved over time as the staff learned more about the specific needs of these teens and parents. Initially, parents and teens had separate group sessions. This structure soon gave way to one with group sessions where teens and parents interact together during much of the group time. Group facilitators learned from parents that they wanted to have some involvement in their teen's learning. It also became clear that it is beneficial to the teen and parent to learn some skills together. Structure of the Curriculum --------------------------- The curriculum contains 21 sessions. Every session begins with parents and teens together for check-in (see Check-In), and is followed by Group Activities, either together or in separate teen and parent groups. The purpose of the combined parent/teen sessions is to teach interaction skills, such as communication techniques, problem solving together and taking Time-Outs. Parents are better able to support their teen's efforts in changing behaviors when they are involved with the learning process, in addition to gaining new skills for themselves. Each session includes: Background Information - notes and guidelines for teaching the session Goals - what the participants should learn when they complete the session Important Messages - key points for teaching the session Session Overview - schedule for the session Group Activities - exercises for the session Take Home Activities - activities to work on at home The order of the sessions is flexible. Since safety of family members is a primary concern, the sessions that address physical violence should be completed first. After parents have identified their concerns in the first parent session, the group facilitator may decide to change the order of the sessions. The curriculum is divided into two sets of instructor notes. Each set of instructor notes includes either the teen or parent sessions and all of the combined sessions. There are also separate workbooks for parents and teens. The curriculum follows the schedule outlined below: Curriculum Schedule ------------------- +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | Session | Teens | Combined | Parents | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | 1 | | Introduction | | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | 2 | My Family | | Introduction to | | | Relationships | | Parent Group: | | | | | Strengths, | | | | | Challenges, | | | | | Changes | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | 3 | Goal Planning | | Making Changes | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | 4 | Understanding | | How to Respond | | | Violence | | When Your Teen | | | | | Is Violent | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | 5 | | Taking a | | | | | Time-Out | | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | 6 | | Understanding | | | | | Warning Signs | | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | 7 | Understanding | | Time-Out for | | | Power | | Parents | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | 8 | Understanding | | When Your Teen | | | Feelings | | Is Abusive: | | | | | Effects on | | | | | Parenting | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | 9 | Understanding | | Adolescent | | | Self-Talk | | Development | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | 10 | Understanding | | Consequences | | | Beliefs | | for Behavior | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | 11 | Hurtful | | Encouraging | | | Moves/Helpful | | Your Teen | | | Moves | | | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | 12 | Accountability | | Empowering | | | | | Teens to Be | | | | | Responsible for | | | | | Their Behavior | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | 13 | | Making Amends | | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | 14 | Responsibility | | What Kind of | | | | | Message Are You | | | | | Giving Your | | | | | Teen? | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | 15 | | Assertive | | | | | Communication | | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | 16 | | Using "I" | | | | | Statements | | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | 17 | Understanding | | Listening to | | | Empathy | | Your Teen | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | 18 | | Guidelines for | | | | | Respectful | | | | | Communication | | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | 19 | | Problem Solving | | | | | Together | | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | 20 | Healthy Dating | | Supporting | | | Relationships | | Positive | | | | | Changes in Your | | | | | Teen | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ | 21 | | Moving Forward | | +------------------+------------------+------------------+------------------+ Assessment and Screening ------------------------ Teens and parents attend an assessment interview prior to beginning the Step-Up program. Teens and parents are interviewed to learn about the teen's use of violence, and obtain a social, mental health, substance abuse and family history. The interviewing counselor uses an assessment form which includes specific questions to assess for domestic violence by adults in the home (present and in the past), the severity level of the teen's violence, and current safety of family members. The parent and teen are interviewed separately so that both feel safe about disclosing information. The Behavior Check-List, (see addendum), filled out by both parent and teen, gives information about the specific abusive and violent behaviors being used by the teen in the home. In addition to the Behavior Check-List, it is important to ask the parent about the level of fear they have of their teen, and if they have taken any precautions in the home for safety, which gives an indication of the level of fear. For example, some parents will say they lock their bedroom door at night, or have removed all the knives from the home. Parents may not necessarily share information about the severity of the violence unless they are asked specifically. The assessment interview is also intended to screen for the need for other services, such as a drug/alcohol evaluation or mental health evaluation. Teens with untreated substance abuse or mental health issues should be evaluated and begin treatment before attending the Step-Up program. Another purpose of the assessment is to determine if the teen is appropriate for the Step-Up program. Some contraindications include mental health problems that interfere with the ability of the teen to function in the group and developmental or learning disabilities that interfere with learning in the group. Teens who had an isolated incident of violent behavior and are otherwise not violent or abusive in their relationships at home are not appropriate for the program. Referral to general counseling may be appropriate. Teens who are using violence to defend themselves against a violent family member are also not appropriate for the program. If you learn that a teen is being physically abused in the home, follow your mandatory reporting guidelines and report it to the appropriate authorities. Facilitator Notes for Teen Curriculum ------------------------------------- Using the curriculum Order of the Sessions - The order of the sessions is suggested. If you have an ongoing group, group members will cover the sessions in a different order depending on when each member started the group, but all group members will cover the same material. If you have a closed group, following the order of the curriculum is recommended because the sessions are designed to build on each other and maximize learning. Content of the Sessions - The areas that are critical to the effectiveness of the program are the teen sessions that focus on accountability for abusive and violent behavior, learning skills to prevent the use of violent behavior and how to resolve conflict in respectful ways. When teens are accountable in group sessions, they identify abusive or violent behavior they have used toward family members and acknowledge they harmed this person in some way. Teens who can talk about abusive behaviors they used without blaming another person for it, justifying the choice they made or minimizing the impact it had on their family members are accountable. Accountability is practiced each week during the check-in part of the group session. Teens who are accountable during check-in are often willing to begin making changes in their behavior. During check-in, the group facilitator will learn when teens are still using violence at home and what changes they have made towards becoming non violent. Skills to prevent the use of violent behavior include using Time-Out, self-calming techniques such as self-talk, recognizing there are choices about behavior and choosing non-violent behaviors. Resolution of conflict requires that teens are calm enough to discuss problems with their parents, are able to listen to another person's point of view and are able to consider non violent solutions to the problem. Most teens use abusive behavior at home when there is conflict or they are trying to get their parents to agree to something that their parents find unreasonable. These skills can be very important to families that have experienced a history of violence. If a teen is still using violence regularly and is not making changes towards non violent behavior, they should not be encouraged to use problem solving skills. Group facilitators should suggest these teens wait until they can discuss problems without using threats, intimidation and verbal abuse. Gestures and behavior can also be threatening to parents who are trying to talk to their teens. These teens need to focus on the use of time-out and learning how to communicate without being abusive before they can practice problem solving skills. Communication and problem solving skills are only appropriate for teens who have taken steps towards stopping their violence. If a teen is unable to communicate respectfully with their parent during their group, they are not ready for the problem solving exercise. Parents should also be encouraged not to problem solve at home or continue a discussion if their teen is using abuse towards them. Safety should always take precedence over any program goal. Engaging Teens During Group Sessions When teens don't want to do an exercise during group, they may say it is "boring" or it's "stupid." Group facilitators should use any teaching method that engages teens. Rewards such as pizza or candy can motivate teens to engage in group activities. Turning an activity into a game with rewards makes the activity maore lively. Group facilitators can give points when teens give answers to group exercises and rewards can be given for the person who has the most points. Sometimes teens can learn more when they work in pairs or in small groups on an exercise. Some teens choose not to participate appropriately during group sessions. In order for teens to benefit from group sessions, they must be able to remain seated, listen to others and follow a topic. If they are not able to do these things, talking to them outside the group may help them understand how they are impacting the group session and may also help them understand that they cannot benefit from the program if they continue these behaviors. If they continue to make it difficult for others to participate, they should be asked to leave the group. While it may be a difficult decision for the group facilitator, keeping someone in the group who is disruptive can have a lasting impact on the group. Sometimes teens or parents bring up issues that need more time and attention that is available during check in. The facilitator may need to invite them to talk about the issue further after group. If the issue is related to the topic for the session, it can be an opportunity to incorporate program themes into a real life scenario. When teens or parents report physical abuse or threats by the teen during the previous week during check-in: * Have the teen identify the behavior they used on the abuse wheel. * Have the teen answer the questions from Taking Responsibility for Your Behavior worksheet in Session 1 of their workbooks. * Remind teens that the Step-Up program has a policy of reporting any physical violence or threats to the teen's probation counselor (or whoever is monitoring the teen). Teens and parents are informed of this policy at the time of the intake assessment. Teens are given the opportunity to make the report themselves before we do so. This is an important consequence for the violence and holds them accountable for their behavior. * Talk to the parent about safety and how to respond, during the parent group or after the session. Always check-in with parents about how safe they feel going home with their teen. (See Safety Issues in Facilitator Notes for Parents Curriculum) * If teens use physical abuse during the group: o Have the teen separate from the group with a facilitator and call 911 if needed (i.e., the teen has assaulted someone and/or will not calm down). o Let the teen know their behavior will have to be reported to the court. o Talk with the teen's parent about safety (see Safety Issues in Instructor Notes for Parents Curriculum). o If the behavior did not warrant a call to the police and the victim feels safe and comfortable staying in the group, and the teen is calm and can be accountable, have the teen come back to group to talk about the behavior and go over the questions on the back of the check-in wheel. * If teens use verbal abuse, intimidation or threats during the group session o If you are concerned about the safety of anyone in the group, call 911. Have the teen separate from the group with a facilitator. o Stop the group discussion o Let the teen know they have just used emotional abuse or intimidation. o If the teen continues to be abusive tell the teen they cannot continue participating in the group. You may have to call the police if there are concerns about safety. o Let the teen know you may report their behavior to whoever is monitoring them o If the teen is able to continue in group have the teen identify their behavior on the abuse wheel and answer the questions on the back of the wheel. Group Rules Session one of the teen curriculum includes a list of rules for the teen group. It is important to be clear and consistent about group rules. You may want to modify these rules according the needs of your group. It is helpful to review the group rules periodically and/or keep them posted in the room during group. The most common rule violation is the use of disrespectful language in the group. Teens should feel comfortable expressing their opinions and group facilitators should respect opinions as long as they are expressed respectfully. However, group facilitators should have guidelines regarding the teen's use of language during the teen group. Teens should not use any language during the teen group that attacks or demeans another person who is in the group or any person outside the group. The group facilitator should ask the teen to restate what they have said using respectful language. The use of "swear" words and foul language can be an issue when teens are in a group together. If these words are used to attack another person, they are abusive and the group facilitator should identify the words that are abusive. The facilitator should decide what guidelines the teen group should have about "swear" words that do not attack or demean another person. Parents sometimes want to know what the guidelines are concerning the use of language in the teen group. Facilitator Notes for Parent Curriculum --------------------------------------- Using the curriculum Order of Sessions - The order of the sessions is suggested. You can change the order according to the needs of your group. However, it is recommended to start with sessions that address responding to violence in the home and safety issues. Most parents want and need these sessions in the beginning. Content of Sessions - The information in the parent curriculum provides parents with skills in the following areas: 1) responding to violence in the home and maintaining safety; 2) supporting behavior changes the teen is working on; and 3) techniques for parenting teenagers. The first two areas are critical to the effectiveness of the program. The parenting skills sessions of the curriculum is intended to be flexible, according to the needs of the parents in the group. Parents come to the program with a variety of needs and at various skill levels. It is up to the facilitator to identify the particular needs of parents session to session and to adapt the learning materials accordingly. The facilitator may bring in additional parent education materials to complement the curriculum, as needed. The materials in the parent curriculum were developed over a five year period of working with parents in the Step-Up program and listening to their concerns and expressed wishes for what they felt they needed to learn. It is important that the facilitator listen to the challenges of the parents in the group and adapt the curriculum to meet their needs. Parents may come to group in an acute crisis with their child and need help from the facilitator and group to problem solve how to deal with the situation. The presenting needs of parents are a priority over the curriculum materials for the session, particularly with safety issues (see Safety Issues below). It is important to check-in with parents at the beginning of parent group regarding the need for time to talk about a pressing issue. This, of course, must be balanced with the needs of the entire group. Safety Issues Keeping family members protected from violence is the primary concern of the Step-Up program. Teens that come to the program will be at various levels of risk for harming others in their family. It is important for facilitators to be aware of the risk level of teens in the program. You can do this by performing an assessment with the teen and parent prior to beginning the program (see Assessment and Screening), listening to parents concerns each week and monitoring the teen's behavior through the check-in process (see Check-in). When a teen has been cooperative in group and behaving well at home for a period of time, it is easy to lose sight of the fact that he has used dangerous behaviors. Facilitators and parents can be in denial about the risk level of a teen. It is important to keep in mind the behavior that brought them to group and be aware that it can happen again. Teens often improve their behavior for a period of time after they have been arrested or get involved with the court. After a period of time they often slip back to some of the old behaviors. The goal is for the Step-Up program to work with them as they experience relapses of abusive behavior so they can learn how to change the behavior and replace it with new non-abusive behaviors. The parent facilitator can help parents respond to the reoccurrence of abusive behavior with safety being the focus of concern. When a parent reports that a teen has been physically violent during the previous week it is important to consider: Immediate safety of family members - the parent should leave group with a safety plan in place about what to do if the teen becomes violent again (see Session 4 of Parent Curriculum, How to Respond When Your Teen is Violent,). You may have the parent and teen make a plan together with an agreement to separate from each other if things start to escalate (see Session 5: Taking a Time-Out in the curriculum). Depending upon the severity of the violence, it may be necessary for the teen and parent to be in separate households for a period of time. The facilitator can help the parent figure out temporary living arrangements for the teen (i.e., a friend or relative's home). There may also be a caseworker or probation counselor who can assist the family in this way. Reporting to teen's monitor - The Step-Up program has a policy of reporting any physical violence or threats to the teen's probation counselor (or whoever is monitoring the teen). Teens and parents are informed of this policy at the time of the intake assessment. Teens are given the opportunity to make the report themselves before the instructor does so. This is an important consequence for the violence and holds them accountable for their behavior. Sometimes parents are reluctant to make a report because they are concerned the teen will retaliate. When the program takes responsibility for reporting, it can take the pressure off of the parent. We do, however, recommend that parents report re-offenses to probation, if they feel safe doing so, because it gives the teen the message that there will be consequences for violating probation and violent behavior. Knowing they will be reported to probation helps teens make better choices about their behavior. Calling the police -If the parent is feeling afraid of the teen and wants immediate intervention, a call to the police is a way to get help right away. The parent can let the police know that they do not feel safe having the teen at home at this time. The police can also be called anytime after a violent incident in order to give the teen the message that the behavior is unacceptable and a crime. Parents should never be pressured to call the police. Calling the police is a personal decision and may or may not be helpful, depending upon the situation (see calling the Police in Session 4, How to Respond When Your Teen is Violent). There may be parents who are concerned about disclosing their teen's abusive behavior at check-in for safety reasons. The teen may be making threats or retaliating for things the parent talked about at check-in. It is important to address this in the parents group and let parents know that if they do not feel safe disclosing their teen's behavior at check-in, they can discuss the teen's behavior during the parents group instead. Safety for parents takes precedence over all else in the Step-Up program. There may be cases where parent participation in the program is increasing the teen's abusive behavior and it is determined that the program is not an appropriate treatment method for the family. This should be reported to the teen's monitor/case manager so that another treatment plan can be put in place. Sometimes teens come to the program without their parent, however, we have found the program to be more effective with parent involvement. It is important to consider safety when discussing parenting techniques. What may be an appropriate discipline method for one teen, may be inappropriate for another because it increases risk for violence. If a teen is violent and the parent has limited influence with him or her, help the parent find ways to respond that are safe and decrease escalation in the teen. Sometimes well-meaning parents in the group will recommend a consequence, such as, "you should lock him out of the house, or you should take away her phone". While this method may be effective for some teens, for others it may jeopardize the safety of family members. When parents are unsure of how their teen will respond to a new parenting method, always remind them to use the skills learned in Session 4, How To Respond When Your Teen is Violent, if the teen responds with violence. When Parents are using abusive behavior with their teen Some parents are using abusive behaviors in response to their teen's behavior. This may range from yelling and put downs to slapping or hitting. Sometimes parents and teens will get into physical fights where both are grabbing, pushing, kicking, hitting, etc. First, and most important, is to assess the risk level for harm to both and immediate safety issues (see Immediate Safety of Family Member, above). If a parent has violated child abuse laws, follow your state's Mandatory Reporting Law, and let the parent know that you need to report the incident (they should be informed of this in the intake assessment - see Assessment and Screening). When talking to parents about the use of abusive behavior, it is most helpful to explain that when parents are using abusive behaviors, it makes our job of helping the teen stop abusive behavior much more difficult. When parents use abusive behavior it models the behavior and gives the teens permission to be abusive. We cannot expect the teens to behave respectfully when parents are not respectful. Some parents confuse respect with permissiveness. Parents can be firm, give consequences, and express anger in respectful ways (this is addressed in the parent curriculum at length). When defining abusive and respectful behaviors, refer to the abuse and respect wheels used for check-in. Emphasize that in order for the Step-Up program to be effective, parents, as well as teens, need to stay on the respect wheel. As you discuss this topic, it is important to be empathetic about how difficult and frustrating is to live with an abusive teen. It can be extremely challenging to stay respectful when your teen is yelling at you and putting you down. Most people cannot endure this without sometimes responding in ways they later regret. Most parents who come to the program have used behaviors on the abuse wheel with their teen. It is important to acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes and that they can model accountability by letting their teens know they could have handled things differently. Parents can be very supportive to each other in this regard, because they all know what it is like to live with an abusive teen. Conflict between couples in the parents group The parents group will most likely be comprised of single parents and couples who are parenting together, including biological parents, step-parents, and sometimes grandparents. It is not uncommon for parenting couples to have conflict about parenting their teen. They may have different ideas about how to respond to their teen's behavior and the enforcement of rules and consequences. Often times, one parent has a more conflicted relationship with the teen and is the target of the abuse. Sometimes this parent feels the other parent does not support their efforts to stop the abuse. One parent is quite often 'easier' on the teen than the other parent. These issues are fairly typical and it can be helpful to address them in the group, as long as it does not become the primary focus of the group and the couple is able to communicate respectfully and productively with one another. If either person becomes disrespectful or the conversation continually gets into issues between them, the facilitator should end the discussion and talk with the couple after group. Sometimes it will be evident that the couple needs to work out their own issues separatately from the group, for example in marriage or individual counseling, drug/alcohol treatment, or domestic violence treatment before they can be in the parents group together. In the meantime, only one parent should attend the parents group - preferably the parent who is the primary victim of the abuse by the teen. When helping parenting couples work out disagreements in parenting it is important to give them the following information: When responding to violent and abusive behavior, both parents should agree on the same plan and respond consistently. In helping teens change their behavior it is most effective if they see their parents working together as a team. Parenting is a difficult job for everyone. Parents should find ways to support and help each other, as much as possible. Parents don't need to agree on everything. It is okay for teens to know that their parents are different from each other and have their own ways of responding, as long as they can respond consistently to serious concerns (i.e. violation of rules, violence or abuse). It is difficult and damaging for teens to experience their parents arguing in unproductive ways or being disrespectful to each other. Parents should model with each other the behaviors they want their teen to learn. They can do this by staying on the Respect Wheel when they communicate with each other and using the Guidelines for Respectful Communication and Problem Solving Steps to resolve conflict (Sessions 18 and 19). When there is Domestic Violence between Parents Couples who have domestic violence between them should not be in the group together. Counseling together of any kind - group, couples, or family, is not advised when there is domestic violence because of safety issues for the victim. It is important to screen carefully for domestic violence before parents enter the program (see Assessment and Screening) and make appropriate referrals if indicated (DV perpetrator treatment, support group for victims of abuse). Explain to parents (at the assessment or when the domestic violence is identified) that if there is abuse in the parent's relationship, the best way to help their teen stop using abusive behavior is for the abusive parent to get domestic violence treatment and stop using abusive behavior. Many teens learn the abusive behavior from a family member. 80% of teens in the Step-Up program have lived with domestic violence at some time in their lives. If there is domestic violence in the parent's relationship, the non-abusive parent (most often the mother) should attend the Step-Up program without the abusive partner/parent. Step-Up facilitators should provide her with referrals for support and advocacy (her local domestic violence shelter program) and check-in with her about safety. It is important to know that there may be domestic violence between parents in the group that was not identified at the assessment. The facilitator should be aware of indicators between parents such as disrespectful communication or controlling behaviors. It is strongly recommended that all Step-Up facilitators have training in domestic violence. It is important to understand how to assess and screen for domestic violence and to have knowledge about the dynamics of DV, indicators, and safety issues. Because domestic violence is so prevalent in families that are involved with the Step-Up program, it is essential to have an understanding of domestic violence and its effects on families and victims. When one parent supports the abusive behavior of the teen Many of the parents who attend the Step-Up program are single or re-married mothers who are survivors of domestic violence by the teen's father. Typically, the teen has witnessed Dad abuse Mom, and now that Dad is out of the home the teen is using behaviors he learned from his father toward his mother and siblings. In some cases, when the teen visits with his father he will say things that support the teen's violent behavior, such as putting her down, saying she is crazy, or telling the teen he understands why he gets abusive with her because she is so difficult. Mothers will report that after visits with Dad the teen's abusive behavior becomes worse. Such cases are frustrating because there aren't any clear cut answers to this dilemma. The facilitator and other parents can support the mother and acknowledge how it makes her job of helping her teen change more difficult. It also makes it more difficult for her teen to change his behavior. You can problem solve with her around how to talk about it with her teen in a way that does not make him feel in the middle of conflict between his parents. Diverse Needs Call for Diverse Responses Parents come to the program from a variety of backgrounds, socioeconomic, cultural and ethnic groups. It is important to respect different values, beliefs and opinions of parents in the group. Parents will have different ideas about what respect from their teen means, as well as different levels of tolerance for certain behaviors. For example, some parents will expect their teen to keep their room clean while others have decided a clean room is not a priority on their list of expectations. The facilitator should support parents' personal values and decisions, while focusing on ways parents can help their teens choose non-violent communication and behavior. The main concern of the Step-Up program is how the teen is communicating about the problem, rather than the problem itself. We want to take the focus off of the particular problem (i.e. cleaning room, doing chores, curfew violation) and talk about how the teen is communicating. The goal is to help the teen use non-violent, non-abusive responses and communication about the problem. Parents in the group will be at varying skill levels and have a broad range of needs. Parent and teen relationships will range from relatively good relationships where the parent still has some influence with their teen, while other relationships have deteriorated to a place where the parent has very little influence or control. A parenting method that works for one parent may not work for another. For example, certain consequences will be effective for a teen whose parent still has some influence with them, but will not work if the parent has less influence or control, i.e. grounding will probably not work if the parent says, "he just ignores me and walks out the door". Parenting methods need to be modified for different teens, taking into consideration the teen/parent relationship, safety issues (see above) and what "works" with that teen. There is not a pat answer for every problem. Parents often look to the facilitator for 'what to do', and it is important to let them know that the curriculum offers a variety of suggested parenting techniques, but we do not have all the answers. The purpose is to work as a group to problem solve together and come up with ideas, supporting each other and using information provided in the curriculum. It is intended for the facilitator to use the curriculum with flexibility and to tailor it to the needs of each parent. Important Information for Group Facilitators -------------------------------------------- Definition of Domestic Violence For adults, domestic violence is a pattern of coercive behavior used by an individual to establish and maintain coercive control over an intimate partner. Domestic violence can take the form of physical, sexual, psychological, and/or emotional abuse. For adolescents, domestic violence includes both dating violence and violence against parents and other family members. Since dating violence involves an intimate relationship, it conforms more to the power and control dynamics in an adult intimate relationship. However, adolescent violence against parents is rarely recognized as domestic violence, but uses many of the same patterns and tactics of power and control as in adolescent and adult intimate relationships. Put-downs, threats, intimidation, property destruction, degrading language and physical violence are used to gain power and control over the other person. Some of the behaviors teens use against family members are as follows: * Name-calling * Put-downs * Degrading language * Yelling * Threats to hurt or kill * Intimidating gestures * Pushing * Grabbing * Slapping * Hitting * Punching * Kicking * Choking * Breaking, throwing or smashing something * Hurting pets * Threatening with knives or other objects Some teens use some of the abusive behaviors listed above in isolated instances and may not be using a pattern of abuse. Although these teens are not justified in using this behavior, it is not considered domestic violence. When family members are physically afraid of the teen or when the teen is using abusive behaviors regularly, their behavior is considered domestic violence. Parents of violent teens face many of the same victim blaming attitudes faced by adult victims of DV As with adult domestic violence, stereotypes about parents who are victims of their children's violence exist and make it more difficult for them to get support. These parents are often seen by others as too permissive and unable to set limits with their children. Some of these beliefs are expressed in the following statements people say about the parents of abusive teens: If these parents were more consistent in their parenting, they wouldn't have children who are abusive and violent. They shouldn't let their kids run all over them. They should just lay down the law and let their kids know they can't get away with their bad behavior. Parents who are victims of violence already feel they have failed as parents and take responsibility for their children's behavior. The stereotypes reinforce these feelings and leave parents more isolated and hopeless. Parents who are living with a violent teen are usually doing the best they can to deal with their teen's behavior. Support and understanding is what is most helpful to parents who are victims of their teen's abuse. Teens who are violent are also stereotyped. They are seen either as sociopathic and dangerous or as innocent victims. Neither stereotype recognizes these teens as both victims and perpetrators of violence. Some teens who use violence with family members have been exposed to domestic violence in the home or have experienced violence in the past. Regardless of their victimization, they are responsible for their own behavior and should be held accountable. Violence is often a learned behavior. Many teens who come to the Step-Up program have lived with domestic violence. They have been exposed to their father's abuse of their mother, and are now using similar behaviors. They have learned that violence and abuse is a way to get what they want. They may have learned through observation that dominating and intimidating a person works. Fathers often directly or indirectly send the message that their mother is deserving of abuse. Separate the behavior from the person. When talking with teens about their use of violence or abuse it is most helpful to refer to the specific behavior they are using, separate from who they are as a person. It is not helpful to teens to be labeled as 'abusers'. Keep the focus on the specific behavior they are using, not on the teen as a person. Give support to respectful behaviors. The Mutual Respect wheel gives the teens a chance to talk about the respectful behaviors they have used and also gives the facilitators and parents a chance to support positive, respectful behaviors the teens are using. Identifying the respectful behaviors teens use with family members is a more effective way to support change than identifying only the abusive behaviors they use. Being accountable to family members is a sign of personal strength. Often teens feel ashamed when they talk about the abusive and violent behaviors they use in their families, and sometimes, they see themselves as weak and incompetent when they are asked to talk about their behavior. When teens understand how they have hurt somebody they care about, they can begin to make changes in the way they treat family members. A first step in making positive change is to become clear about how their behavior affects family members. Violent and abusive behavior is a choice. Low self-esteem, substance abuse, stressors in a person's environment, and "deficits" in personal development can contribute to poor choices, but they do not make a person violent. Sometimes people who come into contact with teens who are violent will minimize or justify the abusive behavior by referring to problems or challenges the teen is facing. This can support the use of abuse by giving teens an excuse for their behavior. It also gives them the message that they do not have a choice about their behavior. An important part of the Step-Up program is to help teen's understand that regardless of the difficulties in their lives, they have control over their own behavior and they have choices about how to respond to any situation. Helping teens use non violence depends on a team approach between domestic violence treatment programs, the court system, community and family. When teens receive clear, consistent messages about the use of non violence in their relationships from everyone they come into contact with, including judges, police, teachers and other family members, they will more likely be successful in learning the skills that are taught in their treatment programs. Victims of violence and abuse sometimes use violence themselves in their relationships with family members and peers. Many teens who participate in Step-Up were abused as children. A history of victimization may help group facilitators understand where a teen learned their behavior. However, a teen who has been victimized and is currently using violence cannot learn new behaviors unless they are held accountable for their violence. Being held accountable is not a punishment, but an important part of learning new behavior. It is important to recognize each family has its own history of rules and traditions. Ethnic, religious, and cultural backgrounds of group members provide a context for family members to resolve conflicts and to communicate with each other. When facilitators remain aware of each family's differences, they can teach the curriculum in a way that respects differences and supports change. Evaluation of the Program ------------------------- Step-Up uses two forms of evaluation, a Behavior Checklist completed before and after the program, and a survey completed at the end of the program. The survey includes a Parent Survey and a Teen Survey, completed by both at the end of the program. Parents and teens rate the change in the teen's behavior, their use of skills learned in the program, and positive change in their relationship. They also give feedback about how they experienced the program and the usefulness of the skills they have learned. The survey includes a rating scale and space for descriptive answers. The Behavior Checklist (see addendum) is a list of abusive and violent behaviors used by teens against their parents and family members, with a scale that rates the frequency of the use of each behavior. Teens and parents fill out a behavior checklist at the intake interview and again at the end of the program. The pre and post behavior checklists are compared to measure change in behavior. The behaviors in the graph below (from 2001) are grouped into four categories: verbal abuse, controlling behaviors, threatening behaviors and physical abuse. About the Authors ----------------- Lily Anderson has an M.S.W. from the University of Washington (1986) and has worked in the field of domestic violence since 1978. Prior to working with the Step-Up Program she developed and coordinated a parent education program for Family Services Domestic Violence Treatment Program in Seattle. She wrote a parent's anger management and parenting skills curriculum, Skills for Respectful Parenting, for use with court referred parents. In 1997, she co-authored a curriculum for parents of children who have experienced domestic violence, Helping Children Who Have Experienced Domestic Violence: A Guide for Parents. Lily currently works with the Step-Up Program facilitating parent groups and co-facilitating parent/teen groups. Gregory Routt has an M.A. in psychology from Antioch University (1992). He has worked as a chemical dependency counselor with inmates in the King County Jail and with adult perpetrators of domestic violence at Family Services Domestic Violence Treatment Program in Seattle from 1992 until 1996. He currently coordinates the Step-Up Program and facilitates teen groups and co-facilitates parent/teen groups. Acknowledgements ---------------- Many people have contributed to the success of the Step-Up Program. The Step-Up Program would not exist without the inspiration and vision of Meg Crager. She recognized the need for such a program, when none other existed, developed a treatment model, acquired funding and began the program. She provided leadership in establishing and maintaining the program and gaining support from the court system and community. She has been a key contributor to the development of this curriculum. We would also like to thank Kaki Dimock for her hard work and support in planning and development with starting the program. We owe thanks to Justice Bobbe Bridge for supporting the program and assisting with coordination with the juvenile court system. We also relied on the support of many others in the juvenile court system, including probation counselors and supervisors, diversion staff, the prosecutors office and victim advocates. We gratefully acknowledge the support and assistance of King County Judicial Administration staff, without whom we could not operate the program. We especially owe thanks to Elizabeth Gay for providing ongoing guidance and supervision. Paul Sherfey had faith in the program and has supported its development from the beginning. We are especially grateful for the clinical supervision of Bill Meyers. His knowledge and insight about working with teens and families has been invaluable. We relied on his wisdom to help us through many challenges. The Governor's Juvenile Justice Advisory Committee provided the funds to start Step-Up, and The Juvenile Accountability Block Grant has funded the program over the last four years. A special thanks to Mark Wirschem, our grant manager, who acknowledges our hard work and has given us support and encouragement all along the way. We owe enormous thanks to Sakson and Taylor Consulting for editing this curriculum. We could not have completed this curriculum without their hard work and dedication. Special thanks to Noelle Robertson who stuck with us through many changes and revisions. We want to thank Seth Ellner and Joan Zegree for taking time to do a final edit of the curriculum. Their experience, wisdom and attention to detail was invaluable to the curriculum. Finally, we are grateful to the teens and parents who have participated in the Step-Up Program. They have taught us more than anyone about how to create an effective program. We field tested the exercises in this curriculum with many families over the last five years. We have learned from their hard work and effort to improve their family relationships. Addendum -------- Behavior Checklist Parent Name________________________________________ Date________________ Here is a list of behaviors that many teens use against their parents. Please try to remember how often your child has done these things to you or your partner in the last year. Circle a number for each of the items listed below to show your closest estimate of how it has happened in your family in the last year. 1 = Never 2 = Rarely (one to three times) 3 = Occasionally (approximately once a month) 4 = Frequently (approximately once a week) 5 = Almost every day 1. Criticized you. 1 2 3 4 5 2. Called you names 1 2 3 4 5 3. Tried to keep you from doing something you wanted to do. 1 2 3 4 5 4. Gave you angry looks or stares. 1 2 3 4 5 5. Screamed or yelled at you. 1 2 3 4 5 6. Threatened to hit or throw something at you. 1 2 3 4 5 7. Pushed, grabbed or shoved you. 1 2 3 4 5 8. Put you or other family members down. 1 2 3 4 5 9. Threatened and/or hit brothers or sisters. 1 2 3 4 5 10. Became upset with you or your partner because something at home was not the way they wanted it or done the way they thought it should be. 1 2 3 4 5 11. Stayed away from home for several hours without informing you. 1 2 3 4 5 12. Said things to scare you (Example: told you something "bad" was going to happen, threatened to commit suicide, told you to watch out). 1 2 3 4 5 13. Slapped, hit or punched you. 1 2 3 4 5 14. Refused to do chores. 1 2 3 4 5 15. Threatened you with a knife or a weapon. 1 2 3 4 5 16. Threats to kill you. 1 2 3 4 5 17. Told you that you were bad parents. 1 2 3 4 5 18. Threw, hit, kicked or smashed something during an argument. 1 2 3 4 5 19. Kicked you. 1 2 3 4 5 20. Hurt a pet or threatened to hurt a pet. 1 2 3 4 5 21. Choked you. 1 2 3 4 5 22. Used a knife, gun or other weapon. 1 2 3 4 5 Behavior Checklist Teen Date________________ Name________________________________________ Here is a list of behaviors that many teens use against their parents. Please try to remember how often you have done these things to either parent in the last year. Circle a number for each of the items listed below to show your closest estimate of how often it has happened in your family in the last year. 1 = Never 2 = Rarely (one time to three times) 3 = Occasionally (approximately once a month) 4 = Frequently (approximately once a week) 5 = Almost every day 1. Criticized them. 1 2 3 4 5 2. Called them names 1 2 3 4 5 3. Tried to keep your parent from doing something they wanted to do. 1 2 3 4 5 4. Gave your parent angry looks or stares. 1 2 3 4 5 5. Screamed or yelled at your parents. 1 2 3 4 5 6. Threatened to hit or throw something at your parents. 1 2 3 4 5 7. Pushed, grabbed or shoved your parents. 1 2 3 4 5 8. Put down parents or other family members. 1 2 3 4 5 9. Threatened and/or hit brothers or sisters. 1 2 3 4 5 10. Became upset with either parent because something at home was not the way you wanted it or done the way you thought it should be. 1 2 3 4 5 11. Stayed away from home for several hours without informing your parents 1 2 3 4 5 12. Said things to scare them (Example: told them something "bad" was going to happen, threatened to commit suicide, told them to watch out). 1 2 3 4 5 13. Slapped, hit or punched your parents. 1 2 3 4 5 14. Refused to do chores. 1 2 3 4 5 15. Threatened your parents with a knife or a weapon. 1 2 3 4 5 16. Threats to kill your parents. 1 2 3 4 5 17. Told your parents they were bad parents. 1 2 3 4 5 18. Threw, hit, kicked or smashed something during an argument. 1 2 3 4 5 19. Kicked your parents. 1 2 3 4 5 20. Hurt a pet or threatened to hurt a pet. 1 2 3 4 5 21. Choked your parents. 1 2 3 4 5 22. Used a knife, gun or other weapon. 1 2 3 4 5 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The following projects are a part of the Minnesota Center Against Violence and Abuse (MINCAVA): MINCAVA Electronic Clearinghouse (http://www.mincava.umn.edu/) | The Link Research Project (http://www.mincava.umn.edu/link/) | Violence Against Women Online Resources (http://www.vaw.umn.edu/) | VAWnet (Applied Research Forum) (http://www.vawnet.org/) | Minnesota Rural Project for Women and Child Safety (http://www.mincava.umn.edu/rural/) MINCAVA is directed by Jeffrey L. Edleson, PhD (http://www.tc.umn.edu/~jedleson/). File Last Modified: 47. Copyright © 1995 - 2005 Minnesota Center Against Violence and Abuse